Written by Monkey Woods
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Wednesday, 28 February 2007

image for Margaret Thatcher To Take Reins Of Tory Party (Again)
The Iron Lady is back

In a sensational new move by the Conservative Party to regain power from New Labour, Margaret Thatcher is, once again, being linked with the Tory leadership.

Mrs T, who was forcibly removed from office in 1990, and placed under house arrest, is seen as the radical antidote to the flimsy and weak-kneed politics practised by soppy analist David Cameron.

In those 17 years spent in the lonely political wilderness, Baroness Baracus, wife of the A-Team's Mr T, has been mightily busy. She has learnt how to read, write and add up, and has sold both diplomatic and military secrets to Russia, in order to keep her in bonbons and woollen suits.

Communist leader, Vlad the Impaler, called her "very useful", and said the two had met several times at a country cottage (in Russian a 'datcha') near St Petersburg, where they dined on nuts, bolts and human flesh.

Interviewed on the BBC by Kate Silverton, (the power-mad, bespectacled one with the sexy, dominating school marm charm), the Iron Lady was asked about what she thought about the recently-erected statue of her in London.

"Terror?", said Mrs Thatcher, "I'll show them terror!"

She launched into a hysterical diatribe that took in unemployment, education, immigration and crime, before she became breathless and had to be resuscitated by medical staff.

Mrs Thatcher has had her fair share of adversity. Her first husband, Denis, drank heavily, and ran away with a whisky bottle in 1996. In 1982, her son Mark was implicated in an arms scandal involving mercenaries in Equatorial Guinea.
He later went missing after driving to the shops, and only turned up 1992, in the back four at Millwall, having changed his name to Ben.

The mere mention of Mrs Thatcher's name is enough to strike terror into the hearts of terrorists. In the six hours after it was announced that she would stand for the Tory leadership, 20,000 one-way seat tickets were booked on airlines bound for Pakistan.

Heathrow Airport Immigration Officer Mike Fascist laughed:

"She's a one-woman repatriation scheme!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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