Written by Edward O'Neill
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Topics: Bird Flu

Wednesday, 28 February 2007

image for Female Feline Gives Herself Up as Avian Flu Reality
Tibbs: Sated

Scientists scratch their heads in wonderment at the discovery that 'Tibbs' a female domestic cat located in the town of Ipswich, Suffolk, is the source of the menace behind the area's bird fatalities.

The institute of medical research has revealed that it, in fact, wasn't an outbreak of 'Avian Flu' that had cost the lives of the 800, 000 turkeys at the Bernard Matthews factory in the County of Suffolk. Shocked virus expert Robert Whitehall told The Spoof:

"We couldn't believe it when the, seemingly innocuous, pet walked into the lab' with a sign around her neck reading: IT WAS ME ALL ALONG. I must admit we've, somewhat, been left with egg on our faces. I feel a total prat, in fact, after going on about Avian Flu."

A series of probative questions revealed that Whitehall's initial claims were more deeply motivated.

"We were under the utmost pressure" revealed the stressed scientist "to justify the millions of pounds the government had invested in finding the cause of the bird deaths... we got away with it for so long that I hadn't expected a feline would blow our cover."

'Tibbs' had reportedly watched, from the comfort of her owners lap, an episode of Planet Earth in which lions feasted on two gazelle carcasses and didn't need to eat again for another week and a half.

"I think she was looking up to her higher species..." explained owner Carol Freeman (37)"...but I mean really... she took it way too far... I hadn't seen for two weeks and now I've got 28 cans of cat food fit for nothing but the bin... I'm very, very angry at her... naughty thing".

'Tibbs' is said to be in good health and is back to a strict diet of cat food with indigestive supplements.

Pet psychologist David Wildheart told The Spoof:

"Cats with delusions of grandeur aren't uncommon in suburban areas. They can, often, suffer with detachment issues and with today's society, being as it is, they are easily influenced by violence on TV, computer games and the internet. I'm fearful of the next generation, in ten years time, being off their whiskers on catnip, scratching themselves until they vomit... It's in the pipeline- mark my words."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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