Written by Ed Parnell
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Topics: Police

Monday, 26 February 2007

A toffo, missing from a sergeants desk drawer, remains at large somewhere tonight. Despite deployment of the Met's finest officers, the toffee based sweetmeal continues to evade capture.

The sergeant has conducted a finger tip search of many of his officers - often at the risk of a sexual harassment claim - bit so far inquiries have proved fruitless.

"We must ask members of the public if they are offered a Toffo to contact us immediately, in confidence. We can provide protection for them, should they have to testify".

The diversion of Met resources to the Toffo enquiry has raised eyebrows, especially as a crazed machete wielding maniac carved his way through a shopping mall while the confectionery theft was investigated.

Armed police are now surrounding the desk where the remaining Toffos are, and the area is currently sealed off pending the arrival of Socco.

Meanwhile fifteen raids featuring armed police, sniffer dogs, anti-terror units and the SAS have been carried out throughout the home counties after several TV Licences expired.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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