Written by Edward O'Neill
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Sunday, 25 February 2007

image for Deal or No Deal Express launched
Deal or No Deal: Too full of shit

Channel Four favourite Deal or No Deal presenter Noel Edmonds has, today, revealed his intention to launch an express version of the popular programme that gets to the point more quickly.

The decision was made following criticism, from Channel Four bosses, that the full length version of the show was "too full of shit". A document taken from a Channel Four desk and leaked to The Spoof, itemises the views of the station chiefs in note format:

  • Too full of shit
  • Too much talking about whether the contestants feel lucky or not
  • Too many people saying: "It's okay, it's okay... the three biggies are still there"
  • Too much pretending it's not just a game of complete chance and that the boxes can be influenced by what anyone says

"To be honest, I enjoyed the chat aspect of the show," explains Edmonds. "We're being told we have to trim it down to just choosing numbers."

The revised version of the game, scheduled to air in April 2007, will last only thirty seconds. The contestant will choose three numbers, see what happens, receive their offer, say yes or no and continue if they wish.

"In practice the whole thing could be over in less than thirty seconds if needed" one source at Channel Four clarified: "we've slapped the banker in to line, told Edmonds to keep it brief and, most importantly, we've banned the puesdo- spiritual box- influencing tactics that were creeping in to the format".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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