Unbelievably, The Queen has awarded her husband a Sir-hood in her New-Year honour's list. Mrs Windsor the Elder, as she likes to be known these days, told us late last night immediately before she went to indulge in her evening ablutions:
"My family and I all agree that this is a fitting tribute to the Greek Geek whom I married, whom, indeed was given to me in Holy matrimony during our joining-together by the Vicar of Westminster, whomever he was at that time."
"He will now be known," she added sternly as she wiped her arse: "Sir The Duke of Edinburgh."
"And," she finished off with as she yanked her Royal flush, pulled her Regal knickers up, and then liberally sprayed Neutrodol around her Ladies' chamber," I may award myself a Damehood next year."