Written by Egg Man
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Friday, 23 February 2007

image for Coastal Erosion - The Facts
This bay was three miles inland only last year

With coastal erosion and sea levels steadily rising people living on the south coast of England are becoming more aware of the risks which face them.

The falling away of cliffs into the sea means whole areas of housing, gardens and sheds are being lost to the encroaching sea.

A resident of Fairlight near Hastings who lives within yards on the crumbling cliff edge told our reporter "Only the other day while taking my afternoon nap I was awoken to the sound of my runner beans, broad beans, carrots and granny smiths falling into the sea, this coastal erosion means my greengrocer bill has rocketed sky high".

Another resident who likes to parade nude on the naturalist beach near by said "I used to feel safe on the beach whilst getting a nice tan on my todger, now I cant relax due to the fear of falling rocks, I few of us nudists were bathing the other day when a land slide of runner beans, broad beans, carrots and granny smiths came tumbling down the cliff, it was clearly someone's garden, goodness knows how much that persons greengrocer bill must be now".

A number of people have been seen tiptoeing along the road to get the morning papers "We're getting into practice" said local butterfly catcher Jim, "When the water starts to rise we want to be ready, I've already bought myself some new wellingtons boots, they cost me over £4.90 but I would prefer to be prepared then to be caught out, unlike some who still walk about like nothing has happened".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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