Written by Erik Pollitt
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Thursday, 22 February 2007

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Mr I Fakeditall, a so called 'Forensic Scientist' from Dudley has been arrested today after police became suspicious that he was nothing of the kind.

Police first became suspicious when they noticed Mr Fakeditall actually used airquotes when explaining his occupation to prospective clients.

A raid on his Dudley offices failed to find any high specification forensic equipment. In fact, the only equipment on the premises were a bunsen burner and a crystal radio.

When questioned by police, Mr Fakeditall admitted that he only decided to become a forensic scientist after seeing an episode of Quincy one afternoon. He said he thought it was all about fighting baddies and having drinks on yachts with big haired blondes.

Realisation sunk in soon after and he found himself faking reports and making up evidence as he went along. Usually out of spaghetti hoops and bits of pipe cleaner.

Police now have the daunting task of reopening thousands of cases thought closed. An unnamed source said that the police were undaunted by their tasks as it meant that they might be able to free up some space in our currently over crowded prisons.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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