Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 22 February 2007

image for Celebrity Big Brother Jade Goody Takes A Bath, Sinks Holland
Downtown Amsterdam this morning

Much of what is known as 'Holland' is under three metres of water this morning, as a result of the worst flooding ever seen in this part of Europe.

All coastal areas and places inland as far as Assen and Eindhoven have been submerged, and a state of emergency has been declared by the Dutch authorities.

The flashflood occurred when Celebrity Big Brother loser Jade Goody decided to take her annual bath in the River Thames. Her initial plunge into the drink displaced 80million cubic metres of water and started a small tsunami.

London was temporarily engulfed in sewage from overflowing drains, and even after the water had subsided, an enormous Goody-generated tide mark could be seen halfway up many buildings.

The effects farther afield though, were catastrophic. Parts of Belgium have been lost, and Holland has been almost completely wiped from the map. Surviving witnesses spoke of a giant 200ft wave packed with windmills and bicycles, that literally washed away the landscape.

The event could be seen from space via the British PointlessIV satellite which orbits Earth for no reason other than to waste taxpayers money.

Dutch King Johann Cruyff, found by rescuers clinging to a tulip, was highly critical of Downing Street and of Miss Goody.

"They should evict her from the planet", he said through a translator, adding "She's a fat slag."

Jade, as ever was unrepentant,saying "Nedermind. Sony 'Olland innit?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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