Police trialling new i-fit software have released a picture of a man they want to question in connection with a series of outrages and crimes, to dastardly to mention.
"If we told you what this man had done" said Chief Inspector Roy Facist "then the entire fabric of society would break down and there would be anarchy". Many officers were in tears and some were outraged when told what he had done. Even Police horses showed disgust for the catalogue of offences.
The police advice is if you see this man on the street, avoid him. Jump over a hedge or into the path of a on coming vehicle to avoid becoming his next victim.
The crimes are so horrific, his picture can only be shown here edited by one of the Mets' finest portrait artists.
In fact, we chickened out of the picture.