Written by Brancastrian
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Topics: Food

Friday, 16 February 2007

image for Poor Chip Harvest This Year

Britains' legions of fine food gourmets were left reeling this morning when it was announced that the annual chip harvest which took place just after Christmas, lasting up until the end of January, had been one of the worst ever.

The British chip is the fruit of the low growing Pamparria shrub, which grows on the lowlands of the Andes. At this time of year, hundreds of Peruvian workers take the time out to trek to these locations to pluck the delicate and, as yet, still purple, chip-fruits from the prickly branches of these shrubs. Despite modern technology, the pickers still use the traditional "Farrow" type basket, which was introduced to the region when the British taste for these items became more and more popular.

In their raw state, the "chip" is indeed purple and quite limp, yet gives off a sweet fragrance which has been likened to cinnamon. Prior to their being shipped to the UK, the chips are stored in muslin and kept at a constant temperature of 15 degrees celcius to preserve their unique look, texture, and aroma.

Sadly, a lack of frosts this year has meant that the harvest has failed and there is, as a consequence, expected to be a great demand for chips throughout the UK this Spring, which could lead to possible riots in some more chip discerning areas such as Blackpool and Great Yarmouth.

Food experts are already making plans to replace chips in the nations affections with other, much loved, snack delicacies, one under scrutiny is the Sprout, a vegetable so popular, people usually reserve its consumption for a once-yearly treat at Christmas. Sprouts can be deep fried in batter or lightly grilled and are likely to commence appearing alongside and with steak and kidney pies and jumbo sausages in the next few weeks. Sprouts in curry sauce is also expected to be a popular late night dining choice amongst discerning gourmets.

The all year round availability of sprouts is seen as many to be a shallow vote winning tactic introduced by a Government determined to win votes through peoples hearts and mouths. However, many may welcome the opportunity to delight the saucy green jewel more regularly, and its long term succession to the chips throne, given global warming, looks assured.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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