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Monday, 19 February 2007

image for Mandelson "I Had Tony's Love child"
An artist's reconstruction of the first meeting.

EU commissioner Peter Mandelson today defended his controversial new autobiography, "I took it my way" by saying he had every right to tell the story of his meteoric rise through the corridors of Westminster power and of the love that dare not speak it's name.

The controversial new book has rocked Blair's already shaky grip on power and has had some commentators declaring this latest scandal to be the final nail in his coffin.

In the book; Mandelson describes his first meeting with a young Tony by saying "The first time we met was at some dreadfully dreary Labour party function, I was chatting to some awful working class people about pensions, and then all of a sudden there he was like a ray of innocent sunshine"

Mandelson goes onto say how the pair slowly got to know each other and how "A deep and abiding sexual connection was formed."

Though these claims are damaging enough to the Prime minister; the sections of the new book most likely to have the fleet streets editors in an orgasmic state are the later chapters which describe in detail how in the early eighties Peter Mandelson had the internal sexual organs of a Jamaican woman surgically implanted into his previously infertile anal canal.

This led in due course to him becoming anally pregnant with Tony's child sometime just after the labour party swept to power in 1997. He says of the time: "It was one of the most beautiful periods of my life, I'll never forget Tony's face when I told him the good news. He just sort of stood there and looked at me, not knowing what to say, literally speechless. It was very special."

Mandelson goes on to detail how he had to hide his emerging pregnancy from the intrusive Westminster press pack and how when the time finally came for him to deliver the baby, the Labour party spin machine concocted corruption allegations against him to explain his absence from government.

Mandy explained: "Of course I wanted the world to know of our joyous news but Tony was dead against that and said we should keep it as our little secret. That's why the whole Lakshmi Mittel scandal was created so I could slip quietly off the political stage and into a private clinic in Geneva."

The child is now believed to be around nine years old and living with his "mother" in Brussels. All Mandelson is willing to say about the child is that his name is Quentin and he looks just like his father.

Number ten is yet to comment on Mandelson's book and commentators are watching carefully to see which way the Prime minister will jump on this tricky issue.

One well known Westminster hack believes Tony will have to hold his hands up and admit the story is true, he said, "It's well known round Parliament that Tony is a practicing catholic and would under no circumstances use a condom, so in my book that just adds weight to Peter's story and makes any denials by the Prime minister seem disingenuous."

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