You couldn't make it up could you? But that won't stop The Spoof trying, so get a load of this.
There was a punch up backstage at the glittering BAFTA awards ceremony last night between the Queen and James Bond.
Dame Helen Mirren was accused by James Bond of only having won her BAFTA because she had no qualms about "whipping 'em out in front of the judges".
Mirren, clearly apoplectic with range, asked Bond in an icy, and observers say, regal voice:
"What do you mean Mr Craig, by the term 'em?"
The new and indeed much passed over Bond, who had obviously been drinking heavily having won nothing, slurred:
"You know what I'm on about love! Your baps that's what! You can hardly ever keep 'em off show can you? Oh yeah! Butter wouldn't melt would it?"
Dame Helen then kneed Bond in the nadgers before opining:
"You stupid wanker! It's hardly any wonder you got nowt you prannet"
It all got rather unpleasant with Grant and Phil of of EastEnders having to wade in and calm it all down.
BAFTA are looking at tapes of the incident and it's thought that Mirren may yet be summoned before a panel to give account of herself. Either that or to whip out her baps again.
Long-time BAFTA big knob, Dickie Attenborough told The Spoof:
"Honestly darlings, what a right fucking disgrace! Ruined the whole fucking evening"