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Monday, 12 February 2007

image for Things Aren't Quite So Bootiful Down Norfolk way
Bernard Matthews meets Tony Blair in happier times

Bernard Matthews has today sacked his marketing company following the recent campaign that has snowballed out of hand.

Bernard told us:

"At first it seemed to be a really bootiful opportunity, what with all the free TV coverage. We were sure that sales were going to rocket and we had boats loaded with illegal immigrant workers just off the Norfolk beaches waiting to get to the factory.

But nobody told me that this bloody bird-flu lark is a bad thing and the next that I know, the place was crawling with government scientists"

Financial analysts are predicting that this issue could well see Bernard Matthews disappear off the business map all together, so dire has been the publicity.

A clearly rattled Mr Matthews added:

"Lucky enough, old Harry in packing, managed to get some stuff out before they closed us down and hopefully we'll get the all clear soon"

Porky Chef, Jamie Oliver, issued the following statement:

"Anything that stops Turkey Twizzlers finding their way onto the market has got to be a good thing"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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