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Friday, 9 February 2007

image for Jailed! For Dumping Five Pound Notes
Mr. Wyn ApThomas entering the court room - I thought I was doing the right thing

Cardiff taxi driver Wyn ApThomas starts a one month prison sentence today, after bureaucrats at Cardiff City Council slapped a ban stopping him dumping five pound notes in his green wheelie bin. Mr. ApThomas, who nearly made it onto Mastermind once, was served the notice after the council's privatized recycling collection franchise company, Epsilon Plc, noticed he was constantly dumping fivers.

A spokesman for Epsilon Plc, said: 'Mr. ApThomas is the most serious case we've encountered in recent years. Each five pound note dumped occupies a whole team of sorters. One operator has to extract the silver strip, a painstaking operation, another has to steam the hologram off, and another has to remove the queen's head because it's an offence to recycle the queen's head. We have a business to run here, and three sorters tied up on one man's wheelie bin wipes out our profit for the week.'

Epsilon, part of the vast Hugenought Group, the Environment Agency, and Cardiff City Council, brought the case to court at the cost of five million pounds of taxpayer's money when Mr. ApThomas ignored letters from the Minister for the Environment, the Chief of Police, the Archbishop of Canterbury, and the Queen.

Mr ApThomas said, 'Ooooh loverly. I was trying to make myself some space in my wallet, mind, and I had all these loverly fivers. So rather than spend them, I said to myself, Wyn, do you really need to spend all those loverly fivers, mind? And I said, no, you're not a greedy man, Wyn. So I recycled them, and this is what I get for my trouble, the bastards, look you mind.'

Once again, five millions pounds of taxpayer's money is wasted on convicting a man just doing the right thing. If you are enraged by the treatment of Mr. Wyn ApThomas, please email The Spoof. We will be launching a Free The Cardiff One campaign next month.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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