In a bid to cut waiting times in Britains hospitals, the government has revealed radical new plans, which will see the introduction of cattle prods and stun guns for medical practitioners.
"This is an important step forward," said Professor J Caringbunny, head of medicine at St Guy's, London, "We will now be able to physically repell irritating or smelly patients. This will free up our schedule enormously and, as a consequence, we will be able to spend more time treating the really rich.....I mean sick."
Prime Minister , Tony Blair, welcomed the new initiative saying that it would slash waiting times in hospital.
"Lets face it," he told us from No.10, "Some people just don't understand the word no and I'm not suggesting that we should electrocute everybody. This merely allows the Doctor to reject a nuiscence, repeat patient swiftly...........by shooting 3000 volts into him and dumping him on the street."