You couldn't make it up! Former wife of saggy jowled pop icon, Heather Mills MacCartney, has been handed an ASBO after shacking up with former Czechoslovakian shot putt champion, Dierdre Peuw.
Judge Donald Smeg, who handed out the order, told Heather that he was 'fed up with her attention seeking behaviour and hoped this would teach her a lesson.'
Miss Mills was arrested on Saturday, after new legislation was passed making it a crime to actively seek publicity while being a talentless prick.
The arresting officer told us today, "At approximately 1.15pm, I observed the defendant hanging around Fleet street in a suspicious manner. At 1.45pm she approached a 'News of the World' journalist and offered to sell a story, about becoming a lezza because of the treatment she received at the hands of that nice Macca chap. At this point, I fuckin' nicked her."
The conditions of Miss Mills' ASBO state that she must be in her home by 7.00pm every night and she is not allowed to whine endlessly on about animals or landmines.
Mr MacCartney told us, "It is not true that I treated her badly, last Christmas I bought her a plane....and Immac for the other leg...Ha Ha Ha."