London - (Rotters): The annual Businesswomen of the Year dinner is to be held in Buckingham Palace on St Valentine's Day unless the daughter of Adolf Hitler who impersonates Queen Elizabeth II drops dead due to a prior engagement, eg an appointment at the Pearly Gates before a one way ticket to join her father and her Uncle Joseph Stalin down-under.
The glittering Z-List of celebs includes Sharon Osbourne (for services to blackmail), Storm Model Management's Sarah Doukas (crack cocaine derivatives), Inverawe Smokehouses' Rose Cambell-Preston (organic skunk-growers' collective), Jade Goody (services to racism), Abel and Cole's organic home deliveries' Ella Hecks (online alibi services), Cherry Bush QC (whoring for the Vatican) and many, many more.
The reception will be held in the Palace's State Rooms although alternative arrangements can be made at the drop of a hat and the event rerouted to HMP Belmarsh interrogation suite.
Anybody with tickets for next Wednesday's event is urged to take out insurance and find a damned good lawyer. Preferably one unconnected to the Blair Administration, the Legal Services Commission or chums of US Ambassador to the Court of St James's Robert 'Katie' Holmes Tuttle.
All proceeds to charity.