Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 7 February 2007

image for My husband went to the London art auction and all he got me was this lousy Monet
Monet, Monet, Monet. Always use them for firelighters I suppose

London - (Rioters): "And all I asked for was a couple of Modiglianis from the Lauder estate, nothing too formal, just a little something from his blue period after the absinthe-induced psychosis drove him to defile Rasputin's tarot reader....

"And maybe a little Caravaggio triptych that matches the West Palm Beach drapes. Lovely russet hues, kinda reminds me of that inner glow on my first husband's face, that final big day at the crematorium.

"Then there's the Renoir - just SO gottahave - and the Rockefellers' garage sale Picasso of a boy smoking the hash pipe. He KNEW I'd adore that, specifically he knew that.... So what's with this Monet?

"I said to him, Victor I said, there's forty four Monet's water lily paintings in the Park Avenue condo, and even the closet's now burstin' with his Giverney stuff. So what do we need another goddam Monet for? You think I'm short of Impressionists? You do? Do you?!

"I SPECIFICICALLY said go for the Francis Bacon. You know I adored it when Carlo Ponti had it in Venice. And I ain't gettin' outbid by that goddam Guggenheim geek. Not this time. Not ever. You see to it. Monet my ass.

"Estimate? $25 million, 28 tops including the premium. Ecclesiastical oils just give me the shivvers. Maybe I'll go 30, maybe 32 if the bidding gets rough. But I gotta have it, Victor, I gotta. Capiche? Capiche?

"Victor, what's with you? That's one lousy Monet.

"Monet. My ass."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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