Written by Duff
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Tuesday, 6 February 2007

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"I'll bite the head of any fucking thing man. Bats, rats mongooses it's all the same to me"

Prince of Darkness and wild man of rock, Ozzy Osbourne, has turned over a new leaf and is reported to be the new European Ambassador for wildlife.

Speaking from his castle in London's Birmingham, the hell raiser told us:

"Yeah that's right man, wildlife's my thing I'm famous for it. I'll bite the head of any fucking thing man. Bats, rats or even mongooses it's all the same to me.

Sharon! Sharon! Where the **** am I man?"

Olaf Mainwaring, European Minister for agriculture comments:

"Ozzy ees grait guy and ee's just what we want to front thees initiative"

The wild man of rock then demonstrated his eco-credentials by eating alive the last specimen of a very rare spider.

"That was fucking lovely man" quipped the bonkers vocalist before washing it down with some Malvern Water.

Jovial Motorhead bassist and vocalist, Lemmy, told The Spoof:

"That Ozzy, he's some guy isn't he?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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