In sensational showbiz news today it has been announced that Shilpa Shetty is to marry Michael Jackson next month in St Margaret's parish church in Peckham.
The Bollywood star, who was almost murdered by three right slappers during her recent stay in the Celebrity Big Brother house, told us:
"I am delighted by this development and I think it will cement my position as queen of the world. I haven't actually met Michael yet but I do of course know one of his brothers quite well.
Ever since I used to buy his records as a teenager I knew that this day would always happen. It was written in the stars"
Michael Jackson is said to be surprised by the news and he told our USA correspondent:
"I haven't a scooby what you are going on about. I have never heard of Shilpa Shetty but I'll give anything a go once"
The Spoof understands that the guest list will be a veritable who's who of the world entertainment and Peckham won't have seen such a high profile event since the new Iceland opened last year.