The boy held for firing a gun in his local McDonalds has protested innocence today, claiming that he had no idea what he was holding and wanted to see what it would do.
Courvoisier Councilestate, from South-West London, was found this morning by armed police. Witnesses say he was trying to climb out of the window when they arrived, but "had 'is leg caught on the kettle".
Councilestate was permitted to speak to The Spoof in an extraordinary and exclusive statement:
"I din't know what I woz doin', did I? I jus' fort...iss like a big metul fing, so I wanted to play around wiv it. I only wanted a Big Mac wiv fries- that's the only fing I've ever wanted. And now I'm stuck in a big barry place."
His mother declined to comment.