Written by Steffan Lewis
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Topics: Food, Jamie Oliver

Wednesday, 31 January 2007

image for Jamie Oliver claims healthy food is UNHEALTHY
Brain burger now served out of Jamie's Kitchen

In a remarkable change of heart celebrity chef and school dinner campaigner, Jamie Oliver, admits that healthy food can seriously damage your heath.

The surprise turn around came after an emergency stop at Little Chef. "I couldn't help myself. I was taking Jules and the kids on a weekend trip to a goat cull at an organic farm when we drove past the Little Chef," said the repentant chef on BBC2's Top Gear.

"We ate there for a change and it was pukka, man."

Since the Little Chef experience Jamie is hooked on high fat and stodge. But nothing beats the Little Chef, he claimed, because its really "expensive shite which adds a pukka feel good factor."

Jamie went on to reveal that junk food has actually increased his libido. "We're at it twice a night, these days. I even have to pop home between busy restaurant shifts for a quicky. Jules is over the moon. Its pukka, man."

Humble Pie was dished out to school kids after government legislation was introduced to force schools to serve rabbit food and kelp. "I am ashamed of myself for contributing to Blair's vision of an Orwellian Nanny State."

"It was never meant to be this way." he sobbed between mouthfuls of of Big Mac and Fries.

The entrepreneur now plans to convert his restaurants into fast food joints where you can choose which cow to slaughter and lobby the government to scrap healthy food in schools.

"It will be a change for the better," he said, chewing on a deep fried Mars bar. "Pukka, man."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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