Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 31 January 2007

image for Astrologers tell Cherie: get laid one last time
It's now or never

London - (AssoCIAted Mess): Leading international stargazers have given a stark piece of advice to UK Prime Monster Tony Blair: "It's over. Finito. Kerput. Adios. While the going is still good."

And wife Cherie has been ordered to get laid 'one last time' because the stars predict the end of any form of nookie for her once the doors slam hard on her cell in HMP Belmarsh - unless, of course, some bulldyke warder suddenly takes a fancy while suffering a temporary fit of blindness or desperation or both.

The grim warning comes as the International Federation of Forensic Astrologers meets in London ahead of tomorrow's widely-predicted solar transit of the 10th and 11th degrees of Aquarius, the Water Bearer - a position notorious for the dismantling of humbug, sudden departures, and the Met getting a search warrant to raid Number 10 Downing Street.

This year's conference was hastily convened ahead of its usual April 1st meeting date after worried Council members noted the bizarre and baleful influence of the recently discovered Comet McNaught's transit of political fault lines of the UK Labour/US Republican alliance.

Now the astro experts have little to cheer Blair and his wife:

"You should have seen it coming the moment you pressed the Evil One's flesh at Camp David back in 2001. Not for nothing did he say to you 'Hello Landslide'. And now it's over."

Editor's Note: Operation Landslide was a highly successful cop operation to net thousands of escaped paedos that the Home Office mislaid during David Blunkett's tenure.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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