Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Big Brother

Wednesday, 31 January 2007

image for Celebrity Big Brother Slugs In Rehab
Oh look - there's Jade

In the aftermath of the Big Brother debacle, ex-housemates Jade Goony, Joe von O'Mira and Lloyd Daniel have all checked into a rehab clinic together.

Although all three of them have vastly different problems, it was thought that counselling them as a group might be of more benefit, as they were "as thick as thieves" in the House.

"As thick as pigshit!" ventured Dr Sachin Tendulkar, also a keen cricketer, of the Royal Tandoori Hospital in London, where the three are "holed-up" in isolation.

He has been assigned to help Miss Goony get over her rampant racist stance. "I've cured her of her need for booze, fags and drugs, but that naughty little racist attitude is like a stubborn tailender refusing to budge!", he said, grinning broadly, as in every bigot's stereotyped perception of Indians.

Dr Kent Singh, of the Ear, Nose and Throat Department, will be overseeing the recovery of Joe von O'Mira. He explained the problems she faces, by saying "Her nose can't smell the 700 fags a day she smokes. Her ears are a worry because she's had deaf threats, and her throat is redundant, as she can't sing for toffee!

Eminent neurosurgeon, Dr David Twoshortplanks, has been given the unenviable task of trying to discover whether or not Miss Daniel is in possession of a brain. So far, he has drawn a blank, but the doctor has sent out for heavy lifting gear, and is hopeful that something, even something microscopic, might be found.

The trio have hinted that, after they have been released from the clinic, they might visit their "old mucker" in India, Miss World Shilpa Shetty.

Last night, the Indian government protested to Downing Street, saying that, if the girls set out on such an undertaking, India would break off diplomatic relations with Britain.

Their treatment continues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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