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Tuesday, 30 January 2007

image for Holy World In A Spin As Pope Excommuincates Jade Canonises Shilpa
"Jade's blown it big style mate!" The Pontiff yesterday

In an ad-hoc service hastily cobbled together by the Vatican, the Pope has sensationally made Bollywood star, Shilpa Shetty, a saint and at the same time drummed racist bully Jade, out of his gang. The Pontiff told us backstage after the gig:

"I am a big fan of celebrity BB and I have been watching it on my Sky package and quite frankly it makes me sad. That girl Shilpa had to endure the worst sort of racial bullying from those three right cows.

Well now she will get her reward. Henceforth she is now Saint Shilpa the beautiful.

As for Jade? She is now cast out into the outer darkness! End of pal!"

Channel4 bosses were however unrepentant about bringing Des O'Connor in as host of Countdown. A top exec told us:

"Des is taking time to settle in and find his feet and we are confident that eventually he will come good. Carol (Thatcher) is very supportive and we'd just ask viewers to stick with us through, what for him, is a very tricky period"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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