Since Dr. Gillian McKeith's posh Kensington address was inadvertently made visible to millions of viewers 4 min 46 seconds into episode 3 of her hit show, You Are What You Eat, the self-styled 'doctor pooh' has been inundated by real samples sent to her by viewers desperate for attention. The result! Sack loads of the stuff have mounted up outside her trillion pound home causing health concerns. McKeith's home borders on a school, a nursery, and a teddy bear sanctuary creating fears for children.
Today, Dr. McKeith's beautiful white-fronted home is cordoned off while experts wearing outfits work round the clock making the bags of waste safe.
Abdul Plantagenet, postman and lifelong Gunner, said:
'I rang Ms McKeith's doorbell three times, but no one answered. Oo are yer? I was doing a right good favour as she gave me a guano biscuit at Christmas which I don't celebrate, so I left it outside. Saved her a trip to the Watford depot to collect it, that's wot that is. Oo are yer?'
Mrs. Ginger Malady, of the north, saw the address and thought she'd ask Dr. McKeith to find the cause of her constant excruciating movements:
'After Sharon Osborne did it, y'know, I thought tit was okay to send some. So I wrapped tit up in tin foil size of a brick. Eeee, the postman, bless 'im.'
A spokesman for the Royal Mail: 'We are taking this matter very seriously, as it is indeed a police matter to send deleterious matter via Her Majesty's mail. We aren't called the Royal Mail for nothing you know, and we have received a royal pardon regarding this matter. Always use the post code.'
Dr. McKeith, who is a real doctor, is somewhere hot, filming You Are What You Eat in the Sun Abroad, and was unavailable for comment when The Spoof rang her last night, but added that she is unlikely to return until the problem is cleared.