In a triple whammy Celebrity Big Brother celebration, Shilpa Shetty was last night crowned BB winner, installed as Indian Prime Minister and awarded the title of Miss World 2007-2017.
The Bollywood beauty looked visibly shocked as the result was announced, but she was a clear winner with 63% of all votes. She was immediately informed by the Indian government that, due to popular demand in India, she should take up office at the PM's desk next Monday. Then, to round off a successful evening for so-called 'Miss Poppadom', she secured the Miss World title, even though the event was not being held.
She was described by the BB organisers as the most beautiful, elegant, mild-mannered, humble, kind and caring human being on the planet. Not bad for a woman Jade Goody described as a 'loser' recently.
In the Reconstructed Face category, Jade Goodie, herself, was a runaway winner, and Joseph O'S-Club scooped first place in the Ugly Has-been Pop Star section.
Lloyd Daniel, the ex-girlfriend of footballer Teddy Shirtlifter, took the Spineless Bimbo Award, with an unparalleled display of bimbosity. She was led away in tears and an ill-fitting bikini, and pelted with used condoms, which cheered her up "no end".
Ever considerate, Shilpa sent a kind telegram to Miss Goody saying that she hoped Jade had spent a lovely evening at home watching the telly.