Written by Monkey Woods

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Friday, 26 January 2007

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Celebrity Big Brother housemate Jo O'Meara has wormed her way into the hearts of TV viewers - and into the Guinness Book Of Records!

Jo, 64, has achieved fame at last, as the Woman Who Has Smoked The Most Cigarettes In History, puffing away at an incredible 14,000 smokes whilst in the BB House alone. When asked about her 700-a-day habit, she looked confused, lit up another, and, as usual, muttered a sentence that included the F-word.

A former member of the pop group S-Club 7, O'Meara, a genuine munter, has also smoked 1,600 of Dirk Benedict's cigars, and even tried to light several of Danielle Lloyd's farts, with a view to inhaling the resultant fireball.

Recently, Jo was surrounded in controversy, when it was alleged she was a man. Early tests were inconclusive, but experts begrudgingly conceded that, as no penis was found, she was "not a man", although they stopped short of calling her female in their report.

Alan Trainspotter, a spokesman for the Guinness Book Of Boring Facts, said, "Had a knob been found, we wouldn't have been interested. She would have been just one more ugly specimen on a desperate trawl for cash".

Celebrity Big Brother continues on C4, hopefully without this Human Chimney after tonight's eviction process.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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