Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 25 January 2007

A second disaster off the Devon coast has emerged after another cargo ship, the MSC Grand Wizard, ran aground on rocks.

The vessel, carrying 43,000 immigrants "back to wherever they came from", was only 45 minutes out of port when the crew felt, what they described as, "an enormous bump". Initially, they thought they had drifted onto an unknown sandbank, but quickly realised that it was only ship's captain Jade Goody who had jumped into her bath.

This, however, caused the vessel to list badly, and a collision with the jagged coastline was inevitable. The crew were airlifted to safety, but, in keeping with maritime custom, Captain Goody went down with the sinking ship.

Unfortunately, due to her enormous bulk, she resurfaced ten minutes later causing a global tsunami.

When the wave had passed, onlookers noticed a huge oil slick measuring 14 miles by 12 miles, that is thought to have been caused when Goody entered the water.

Environment Agency experts say that, due to its concentration, the slick could take up to 40 years to clean up.

The threat to sealife and birds is immense. RSPCB official Rodney Barn-Owl said, "It's a disgrace. When was the last time she had a bath?"

Captain Goody, dressed only in a hand towel, was resolute.

"Fark off", she said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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