Sensational news reaching us from Elstree about the troubled Channel 4 Big Brother house. There has been some sort of 'incident' it seems.
Reports are sketchy but as far as we can glean it seems that the house has been stormed by three geriatric ex-American Special Forces types working as sort of mercenaries.
One of their number BA Maracas told us:
"Hey they got "The Face" in there man and we're his buddies come to get him out. Seems like he's been kept prisoner for weeks and Tony Blair and his government ain't doing nuthin 'bout it guy, so we've taken the law into our own hands"
However it's understood that the attempt failed as the old guy, John 'Hanibal' Smith, was caught short and needed the toilet. One of the big bruiser thug security guards, Crusher McBastard, employed by the programme makers told us.
"At first we near shit ourselves. I mean the A Team coming at you, what would you do? But when they got up close we realised they was well past it so we just threatened to give 'em a slap and that was it. Game over!"
Davina McCall was shopping in London's West End so was unavailable for comment. The show finishes on Sunday night when the nation will surely breathe a sigh of relief.