Written by Breeze
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Topics: Supermarkets, ASDA

Tuesday, 23 January 2007

image for ASDA build 'Death Store' to crush rebel shopkeeping alliance.
Asda CEO says 'Death Store' will give shoppers more choice.

ASDA have been criticised for building a weapon the size of a planet which, if predictions are correct, will be capable of wiping out all small newsagents and tobacconists.

CEO of ASDA, Darth Vender, claimed, "We are merely catering to our customers....sshuuuhhh......in order to provide them with the best shopping experience available............sshuuushh..........Our prices cannot be beaten....shuucshh."

Local farmers, however, claim that the giant 'Death Store' will destroy all competition and leave ASDA as ultimate rulers of the Universe.

Local pig farmer, Luke Styhawker, told us, "The Asda Storetroopers are destroying everything in their way in their lust for power. They must be stopped."

Wookiee newsagent, Chewbacconist, agreed and told our reporters, "Rrragh..Arooough....Grrrr."

The rebels have vowed to destroy the 'Death Store' and a growing alliance of farmers and shopkeepers, led by 'Pound Shop' owner, Han 'Prices' Solo, have banded together in a final desperate act of defiance.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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