Barking mad, You Are What You Eat, game show host, infamous for sniffing and prodding her hapless contestant's pooh, is herself a convicted pooh eater. Private medical records presented to The Spoof reveal that nutritionist, Gillian McKieth (76), is a real doctor, and a supercalafragalist, sometimes serving long prison sentences for it.
This disgusting habit, a well-known symptom of paranoia, and as bad as thinking you're Napolean Bonaparte, has never been made legal in the UK, unlike the dirty dabblers in the rest of Europe. Adolf Hitler, Mussolini, and Ronnie Corbett are all confirmed supercalafragalists.
Last night, ITV bosses vowed to pull the chain if ratings didn't improve. Offcrap, a panel of Lord has-beens, brought in to investigate complaints, will consider videotapes of the show to see if Dr. McKeith does dwell too long on contestant's number ones. They said they would be reviewing some sections of the show to check whether programme makers Endemol broke regulations about how much, how long, what colour, and whether it was a bit sticky.
Sometimes the show lingers so long on the logs, it does look a bit queer. Close friends of Dr. McKeith said she never showed any interest in the brown stuff, and had been put up to it by TV chiefs desperate for ratings.