Written by Breeze
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Monday, 22 January 2007

image for Britain celebrates as Goody clan are banished.
Couldn't find any pictures of puffins, so here's a duck.

There were celebrations across Britain yesterday after it was announced that pig-faced Nazi and Big Brother evictee, Jade Goody, would be banished to a deserted rock in the North Sea.

Jade, along with her floppy flippered mother and deadbeat fiancee Jack, will be booted out of the country on Tuesday and told 'don't come back'.

The deserted rock measures 3 square miles from end to end and, in the months of May and April, it is covered in shit from nesting puffins.

Jade and her family of workshy morons will be forced to forage for nuts and berries to stay alive and wear animal skins to keep warm.

Survival expert, Ray Mears, told us, "The Goody clan will have to live in caves and learn basic survival techniques, such as fire lighting and puffin hunting. Their chances are not good and I fully expect them to revert to cannibalism within 6 months."

The atmosphere in Britain, however, was festive, with street parties and bonfires taking place up and down the country. Although there are fears that Channel 4 is planning to install cameras on the island and televise the whole thing 24/7 on E4.

Pensioner, Ethel Bumstead, told us, "It's like VE day. Everybody hates her and it's been a long time since we had a banishing. I was disgusted at what she said about darkies."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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