Written by Breeze
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Wednesday, 17 January 2007

image for Hogwarts school placed under 'special measures'
Harry Potter, a 'D' in woodwork

Education watchdog, Ofsted, today identified Hogwarts school as having 'serious difficulties' and said that it would be placed under 'special measures'.

In a shocking report released yesterday, it was named as one of the lowest achieving schools in Britain, with only 2% of it's pupils achieving good grades in Maths and English.

Schools minister, Jim Knight, said that including Maths and English in the 'gold standard' reflected the importance the government placed on equipping youngsters with 'the basics'.

School principal, Professor Dumbledore, defended his decision to concentrate on magic and fairydust and claimed that the schools refusal to teach 'proper' subjects did not affect the children's chances at GCSE.

The results, however, show a different story, with many of Hogwarts children failing miserably at a national level.

Star pupil, Harry Potter, only managed a D in his woodwork GCSE and abjectly failed the rest. This, tragically, appears to be a trend throughout the school.

The Director General of the British Chamber of Commerce, David Frost, said that the figures were 'shocking' and reaffirmed the governments commitment to parents.

"I don't care what kind of cross-eyed fuckwit you've spawned. We're going to give it an education" he promised.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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