Last night, Rank-Air Flight 66613 was making its final untroubled descent into Gatwick Airport, when experienced pilot James Henley-Regatta (53) left the controls as he always did to reprimand binge drinking passengers. Little did he know that the routine reprimand would lead to the Boeing 747's state-of-the-art auto-pilot setting the plane on a course that depicted the biggest mid-air vision of Christ ever seen, and put him in hot water.
While he routinely smacked down a large group of so-called holiday makers who refused to fasten their seat belts, the plane was, unbeknown to Henley-Regatta, carving out a huge image of Christ over the impressionable people of Surrey with its vapour trail.
Mrs. Agnes Stipend (63) of Crawley saw the drama unfold from her kitchen window.
'It was clear as day, a huge beard, the works. I personally didn't feel the need to riot as I am an agnostic and a great fan of Eastenders, which was just starting. But I can understand that others might feel the need to riot.'
Hugely experienced pilot, James Henley-Regatta (56) of Richmond, who once flew spitfires, has been suspended on half a day's pay.
'If I had known what was transpiring, I would have applied for clearance to fly through the vapour trail thus obscuring it, therefore ensuring that nothing was visible below, enabling order to be restored. I can quite understand that some people might have felt the need to riot, but this whole matter is purely a matter for flight investigators and my hard-pressed employers.'
Black box investigators have not found any divine intervention in the brand new 747's sophisticated fly-by-podcast system just acquired hot-off-the-mould by Rank-Air, but investigations are at an early stage. The pope has been informed, and a statement issued by the Vatican said.
'There is no divine intervention. This is auto-pilot freaking out. You fecking idiot.'
Passengers received full compensation for the distress caused, but an undercover report for The Spoof has learned of widespread dissatisfaction on the ground. Mr. Beelzebub Warlock of Camberwick, said.
'I looked up at about six, just before Eastenders, and there was no Christ-like image as far as I could see, more like a big phallus, with strange runic symbols, a very large phallus, and very florid.'
Beyonce Taggart of Warmington, said.
'It's a good job it didn't happen in Eastenders or no one would have seen him. He looked like a big bearded fellah to me. He must have been on an outward bound course, or an explorer. Very well-developed muscles. Very nice in fact.'
Did you see the apparition over Surrey last night? If so, please email or ring our Apparitions Hotline with your sightings, photographs, and accounts no matter how completely mad they might appear to anyone with half a brain.