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Saturday, 13 January 2007

image for Full English Under Fire
Piggy Carstairs tucks into a sausage and egg butty seconds before his sudden death yesterday

The Food Standards Agency is intending to implement new regulations in relation to British favourite the Full English.

If the legislation is passed, then from April 2007 it will become illegal to sell fry-ups anywhere in the UK. A Spokesman for the Agency told us:

"It has long been known that the Full English is a heart attack on a plate. It has very little in the way of nutritional value and is known to cause high blood pressure, heightend levels of cholesterol and the Mumps.

We had to decide whether we should ban the fry-up or fags and since we get very little in the way of duty on the fry-up, then it made good sense to ban them and let the fags continue to kill people but at least this way we'd make a few quid out of it.

However the British Pork Federation is intending to fight the government tooth and nail (ironic turn of phrase as that's what's reported to be in the great British banger) on this issue. Speaking from his intensive care bed in Reading's Royal Berkshire Hospital Cardiac Unit, their Chairman Piggy Carstairs said:

"I've had the Full English every day of adult my life and it's never done me any ha......"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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