Written by Fife Peterson
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Topics: Dogs, Animals, Fat

Friday, 12 January 2007

image for Dog Convicted of making owner fat
In the dogpound

Connie the Labrador has been sentenced to 3 years in prison at The Magistrates Court today for human cruelty today.

A court heard that over the last 14 months Connie, 14 had plied her owners with chocolate & fry ups & even had been keeping up her owners day job as a local milkman.

Frank Sow of Surrey, Kent said today: "It's been a living nightmare, that dog had me eating and being lazy 24/7. I couldn't even go to the toilet as she got me so fat".

The court heard today that Mr. Sow was left in a distressed state from a freak accident with a 'Bob The Builder' plastic toy & needed round the clock attention from the dog. The dog systematically fed, clothed & bathed Mr. Sow to a degree where he became complacent & lazy. And to keep her master in touch, the dog used malicious feeding techniques learnt from watching channel Four documentaries about fat people.

Mr Sow ballooned to 3 times his normal body weight & when found was close to death. Help arrived from a neighbour heard "muttered yelps" & smell fat people. She called the police & Connie was arrested in a raid described by the Police as 'textbook'.

The dog is to appeal & will fight it's case that it was merely 'helping' it's owner.

The case continues...

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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