Written by Frogmarsh Peterson
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Topics: sick

Wednesday, 10 December 2003

image for Tat-a! Blackole
Tat - Blackole's full of it

Residents of Blackole say they are "sick and tired of cheap tat". The high street, Blackole, looks like any high street at first glance. But look again. None of the shops have anything worth buying.!

The only clothes shop on the street sells second hand; you might as well set up a 'moth-bitten pee-soaked rag shop' for the amount of custom you're likely to get.

Benedict Thanthorpe the town mayor had this to say:
"Obviously there are things we want to improve but we're very proud of what we've achieved in Blackole, you only have to look down the road at Bammole to see that things aren't covered in metaphorical shite yet."

In a town where the local car-boot sale has more to offer in terms of style and quality than the high street shops, it's easy to get down spirited.

"I have to get six buses in order to reach anywhere worth shopping. It's a nightmare at christmas. There's only so many times that you can give hand made cushion covers as presents, and the kids don't really like them anyway" - Guinevere Hogbaston, Blackole dweller.

Blackole, in theory, should be Britain's most charitable town, with nine out of ten shops being a charity shop. Unfortunately no one buys anything from them so very little money actually makes it to a charity.
Another charity raising idea was the RentaBag Kiosk in Fish Slipper Street. Carrier bags could be rented out for £2 an hour and returned at the end of the day (5:00pm). It was hoped that this would be highly succesful but those hopes were proved a waste of time.

The frustrated residents of Blackole wrote to their MP, Bill Idal, who passed the comments on to the government. The government gave the town a week to get its act together or else the town would be levelled by an air strike.

"Well it's about bloody time! That's all I can say." - Vera Scrumpy, Blackole dole-scum.

"This ought to sort them [shops] out!" Mackerel Camberwick, transvestite plumber, Blackole

An exodus of Blackolians can be seen from space as they evacuate to nearby Bammole. Many outsiders can't help thinking that the problem will just happen again in Bammole and that the Blackolians would do better to just die during the strike.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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