London - (Ass Mess): The UK's National Poisons Unit has confirmed DNA findings that name Tory politician and Hellfire Club grandee Stephen Norris as the father of both former England football team captain David Beckham and fowl-mouthed self publicising restaurateur-chef Gordon Ramsey.
Norris has always denied that he was a serial sperm donor to the Hellfire Club, even in the days of his misspent youth when he was so broke he sometimes resorted to giving blood, or possibly other bodily fluids, to make ends meet.
The meteoric rise to riches and public exposure of both Beckahm and Ramsey has always ben attributed by their PR managers to natural talent and audience appreciation.
Ramsey's recent Hell's Kitchen TV shows were often admired by UK Hellfire Club fixers who boasted at their St James's clubs at the subtle ironies of the show's name.
But Beckham, while showing some early brilliance in goal shooting on the pitch, twice failed miserably to steer England beyond the quarter final victories of the World Cup.
Norris has made no comment on this report today which first appeared in the form of a wager on internet spread-yer-legs betting site Aintgottaprayer.com.