Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Britain, Survey, Public

Monday, 8 January 2007

image for Our Survey Said: Boring!
And our survey said - *Uh-uh!*

A survey has shown that Britain is becoming tired of surveys. It showed that an overall 96% of people were not in favour of being stopped in the street whilst they were minding their own business.

The exercise carried out in twenty-eight cities across England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland was to determine what people thought about being questioned regarding their personal circumstances and feelings towards particular subjects.

Mail surveys were also unpopular, said the report conducted by the British Survey Executive (BSE), with only 1.5% of people returning their forms.

In England, an overwhelming 99.2% of those surveyed said they were fed up with "pavement interrogations", whilst in Scotland, the figure was 93.7%, although some people said they were more likely to respond if questioned outside a pub, or if booze was offered as "a sweetener".

In Wales, many people pretended not to understand the questions, but in Northern Ireland there were surprising results. Whilst many (91.4%) said they didn't like mail surveys, primarily due to their inability to read, being accosted by a smiling moron with a clipboard seemed to appeal. A staggering 84.8% said they enjoyed the experience, further endorsing the belief that, not only do the Irish like to rant endlessly, but that they also have nothing better to do.

One of the most surprising results, however, was in England where men, almost all of whom said they would ignore a person carrying out a survey, would miraculously become the most willing participants of all if the questioner was a good-looking blonde woman in her early twenties with large breasts.

Les Dennis, host of Family Fortunes, said: "I think surveys are great. I often ask a hundred people the same question and never get bored of their answers".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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