Written by Captain Dopey
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Monday, 8 January 2007

image for New Year Honours List - Surprise Inclusions, Shock Omissions
'Disappointed' - Hitler

There are some surprise recipients among the latest New Year Honours announced today.

Top honours go to Queen Elizabeth II, the blind jazz scrum-half. Between 1932 and 2006 she won 70 caps for Barclays Bank, including 13 as centre-forward. The rock singer Rod Stewart, who overcame a wooden leg to star in Ken Russell's 'Coronation Street Massacre IV - The Return Of Gook' is appointed a CBE along with his arch supports.

Other CBEs go to Johnny Briggs, the discoverer of Neptune; Grimwood Lapels, fashion designer and weightlifter and Lord Lieutenant 'Alfie' Barrington-Shelves, Secretary-General of The Sea.
Among those receiving IBMs are Gareth Edwards, the former Welsh accordionist. Between 1825 and Space 1999 he won more honours from The Queen than anyone, and has built a special hut in his garden to keep them in. Last year the hut won the MBE for Services To Keeping Things In.

Neville Trapdoor, the creator of BBC's 'Celebrity Big Quantum Electrodynamics' is rewarded with a jigsaw of Alice Cooper and a useful penknife.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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