Written by Matt Linehan
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Monday, 8 January 2007

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An entire courtroom has been charged with contempt after a prankster replaced a deaf and partially sighted judge's gavel with a child's squeaky toy.

Judge Mr Justice Paul Bell-Ende was unaware that his attempts to get the court's attention was causing excited hilarity between witnesses, the jury and the blood sucking lawyers.

Miles Brendan-Femdom QC for the prosecution said

"I had no idea where the squeaking noise was coming from until someone in the public gallery shouted out 'behind you, its behind you' and I looked around at Mr Justice Paul Bell-Ende and there it was".

For the defence, Robert Feltham-Offendersinstitute QC admitted

"It was quite funny. The accused started singing a song and a few witnesses were juggling pens and things to add to the hilarity. I had to ask for an adjournment but the Judge agreed and banged his joke gavel again. It was pandemonium."

The Legal Services Commission didn't see the funny side however.

"This is nothing short of a pantomime" suggested Windsor Davies, ageing former star of It Ain't Half Hot Mum and now spokesman for the LSC.

He referred not only to the behaviour of the court but also to the fact that in a shocking twist of fate, every member of the randomly picked jury was a midget except for one who was an unfortunate woman with a mass of facial hair.

Mr Davies continued

"This really is like some kind of circus. This is not how British justice should carry on as an example to the modern world"

The case, R v Bobby San Le Renne's International Circus will be re-scheduled for next month.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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