Written by Duff
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Saturday, 6 January 2007

image for Big Two Come To Blows In Blue Peter Garden
Nigella and Delia go hammer and tongs: Actors have been used in this reconstruction

The Spoof can report on a sensational scrap that took place today between the former queen of TV cheffery and the new younger, and some say, more glamorous pretender.

For months now production assistants have been making sure that there were no diary clashes between Delia Smith and Nigella Lawson but somehow today it all went pear-shaped and the two met in the Blue Peter garden.

Our TV reporter, Barney Skydish, was there and says:

"We were in the garden watching Nigella doing a barbecue item for her new show when all of a sudden a window in TV centre opened and Delia shouted out.

"Come on I can't hear you; you silly bitch! Let's be having you! Come on!"

No sooner had she called out but she then came screaming into the garden and grabbed the Nigella and threw her into the fishpond. Nigella countered with a slap across Delia's face before security staff pulled them apart.

Veteran cooking guru, Keith Floyd, told us:

"This has been brewing up now for ages. It's the old story of people being unwilling to let things pass. It was the same with me when Rhodes showed up. We had some right old uppers and downers I can tell you"

John Noakes said:

"How could they do such a terrible thing in front of Shep and Petra. I'm shocked and saddened by the whole miserable episode"

Johnny Craddock was reported by a source close to him as having said:

"And I hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's".

He actually said that years ago but we couldn't resist including it in our article.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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