Written by queen mudder
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Wednesday, 3 January 2007

image for Girl Guides' guide to binge drinking published
'Warnings about unreliable dilutants'

London - (Rioters): The Girl Guides Movement has published its very own guide to binge drinking, under-age sex and successful dumping of has-been boyfriends.

The 100 page report recommends plenty of alcohol for those wanting to get properly drunk and advises a variety of liquids guaranteed to get the job done.

A footnote describes various stages of toxicity and the consequences of mixing alcohol with unreliable alternatives such as fruit juice or other dilutants.

The chapter on teenage sex is unequivocal that it is a highly addictive form of recreation and can lead to complications such as amnesia about possible numbers of partners.

The report also warns that loss of virginity is no excuse for co-habitation and spells out the stark implications of the word commitment.

Finally 'when it's all over' deals with tried and tested methods of saying goodbye. These include a range of typical expletives followed by the word 'off'.

The Guides' Code of Conduct also spells out the etiquette in a number of typical modern day dilemmas from catching an unfashionable transmittable disease to naming your ex's step dad's crack dealer in a paternity suit.

A new website is due to open early next month for online advice.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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