Written by Matt Linehan
Print this
Topics: Drugs

Tuesday, 2 January 2007

image for Class A's Legalised

In a shock statement, Home Office representative Melvin Slitherly announced that a number of Members of Parliament had requested that the Prime Minister use the Parliament Act to rapidly push through legislation to legalise being a Class A Tosser.

New Labour spokesperson Minjita Punanni deflected claims that this was a direct result of the findings of the Tosser report detailed only a few hours earlier.

"This is nothing to do with the Prime Minister being found to be a Class A tosser and is purely a requirement to consolidate certain laws in respect to certain behaviours in public" Punnani told The Spoof.

"The Tosser Report findings have merely accelerated the need for this important change in UK Law" she lied.

Class A Tossers have been illegal in the UK since the 1950's when public exposure to tossers of all kind suddenly became widespread thanks to the rise of the simple television set.

For a period of time, Class A tossers where seen in full view until laws where passed to protect the public from such soul destroying images. In the past you could only hear their voices on the radio and only suspect that they may be tossers but with TV you were left with no doubt.

It has always been suspected that Radio 4 - with its lack of estuary vowels - was possibly a Class A tosser's den but with insufficient visual evidence its hard to pin them down.

The Spoof put this to criminologist Enzo Spirellito who agreed

"Under analysis it could easily be suggested that Radio 4 is a fully fledged cack den harbouring Class A Tossers from all genres. It is yet to be investigated by the police but if you have information you should make a complaint."

We are holding on to certain information that may confirm this but will wait until the end of our investigation to take this further.

Make Matt Linehan's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 5 plus 4?

7 6 9 13
45 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more