London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Lawyers acting for the Pretender to the Throne have filed legal papers trying to prevent the Daily Fascist and the Deadly Telegraph newspapers printing allegations that the late Diana, Temptress of Wales, gave birth to an illegitimate brat shortly before her fourteenth birthday after a sordid, drunken fumbling session behind the school potting shed with the husband of a minister now in Tony Blair's government.
Charles's lawyers are adamant that all the UK press was successfully gagged about this major indiscretion at the time of the couple's divorce when the Prime Monster's Lord Chancellor Charlie Falconer helpfully shredded all criminal records regarding the bastard offspring's existence, teenage drug hell career and blackmail meetings with his mother under the guise of her charitable work visits to down and outs in London's Centre Point refuge for the homeless.
But now a series of CCTV videos of the mother and child reunions have found their way to the desks of news editors in London and show a grim connection to a top cop and top spook cover-up of the London bombings of 7/7.
But the real jewel in the crown is a correspondence file of papers from lawyers acting for George Bush Senior confirming the existence of a trust fund to take care of all legal expenses for this wayward lad's silence after Diana's demise in 1997.
And by way of an extraordinary co-incidence the papers show Bush Senior crowing with delight that this sinecure was stolen from a UNICEF fund for poverty-stricken aids orphans who 'probably didn't know about the money in the first place'.
Charles may be able to secure a temporary injunction to halt the allegations given his litigious successes recently over other peccadillos.
But a major matrimonial bust-up could be the next step for the father of Di's brat.