Written by Bradford Slippers
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Thursday, 4 December 2003

image for Richard's Fury Over Knighthood
It's enough to make you act like a madman. But really badly.

Wendy Richard, best known as long-suffering launderette woman Pauline Fowler in the BBC's most popular four-times weekly soap opera called Eastenders, Eastenders, has hit out at the knighthood to be awarded to legendary old person Mick Jagger next week.

Richard, who has never been on the Royal Variety Performance, said that in receiving the highest honour bestowed by the British Establishment, Jagger was "making a fool of us all". "It's a rubbish award" she went on. "If my Arthur was here today, he wouldn't be turning in his grave, like he probably is now", she added, in character. "I won't be going on stage with Sir anything. It's not right", she went on, making even less sense.

Jagger responded to Richard's comments at a press conference given to promote his new book of pictures taken of him at football matches, or something. "She's a 'kin mad cow, she is", he said and staggered off, like he does.

Richard and Jagger have never met, but have had turbulent relationships over the last 40 years. In 1967, they famously went to prison, but not together. In fact, Richard didn't go at all, as she was appearing on Top of the Pops at the time, being a girl.

Eastenders in on the telly.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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