Written by Steven Brown
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Topics: Christmas, Misery

Tuesday, 26 December 2006

image for Man admits to not having a 'quiet' Christmas
This surly nurse performed the stomach pump

When Keegan Dollhouse returned to work after the Christmas holidays, he was shocked to hear that all his co-workers had had a 'quiet' Christmas.

While his colleagues had all seemed to have spent the holidays doing absolutely nothing, Mr Dollhouse had gone out on Christmas Eve and drank eighteen pints of Special Brew and got into a fight with a group of burly paratroopers on leave from Iraq.

Pumped

Christmas Day had been spent in Casualty having his stomach pumped and his nose reconstructed.

Boxing Day had brought Mr Dollhouse more excitement when he had gone to his local B&Q and had been held hostage by a gang of desperate Swiss asylum seekers. This situation was only resolved when Mr Dollhouse managed to wrestle the Ak47 being wielded by the head Swiss desperado.

So upon his return to work on December 27th he was bemused to find that everyone else he worked with had had a 'quiet' Christmas.

Bosom

His colleague, Edward Shingle commented, "Keegan has always been a bit of a fantasist. I imagine that in reality he spent his holidays in the bosom of his family. Or at the very least the bosom of April from Accounts. The dirty slag."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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