Written by Duff
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Topics: Food, Fat, Jamie Oliver

Saturday, 23 December 2006

image for Oliver Gets Some More
Just for his lunchbox

Cheeky chappie cock-en-ee chef, Jamie Oliver, is reported to be loosing his battle against his expanding waist line.

The pukka geezer, known for his campaign to get our kids to eat healthy food, has been seen out and about London's trendy restaurant district and he's a right porker these days by all accounts.

Cabbie, Billy Eastenders, said:

"Guess who I had in the back of my cab? Go on guess? Jamie Oliver that's who. I took him from Gordon Ramsay's place straight to Fanny Craddock's and blimey what a porker. When he was getting out of the cab I had to smear him with goose-grease to get him out of the door 'cos he was wedged solid like"

Oliver (33 stone) has denied the incident took place and spoke to us from behind a screen:

"See me pal? I'm like a bloomin' whippet, not a pick on me. If I was to turn sideways then I'd disappear. Blindin' mate. Wicked"

However this upbeat assessment doesn't tally with reports by Carmela Di Sanchez, his sacked kids' nanny. She told The Spoof:

"Jaime was always eating. Eating eating eating. De pizza, de curry and de boogers and fries 24-7. He ees like elephant dees dais"

Jamie's showbiz chef pal, Keith Floyd told us:

"Shee me? I used to be shomething shpecial and now look at me. Who are we talking about? I'll just get a slurp of wine and be right with you"

If you see Jamie out and about then snap him on your mobile and send us the pictures. There will be a prize for the best one and by that we mean the one that makes him look the fattest and most down on his luck.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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