Written by Chris Hanson
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Topics: Penis, Uri Geller

Saturday, 23 December 2006

image for Brit Penis Fetishist Escapes From Hospital, Haunts Moor in Cornwall
Breeze has been reported stalking stags on Bodmin Moor

BODMIN, ENGLAND -- A freelance satirist obsessed with mentalist Uri Geller's penis has disappeared from St. Ives Hospital with a laptop computer, medical implements to perform circumcisions, a set of tattooing irons, and a straight razor, police said today.

Eyewitnesses have reported seeing the writer, "Breeze," stalking stags on Bodmin Moor, Cornwall.

Police decline to say if he is a suspect in a series of abductions in which stags and gamekeepers were sedated and circumcised, with the phrase "Uri Geller's penis" tattooed on their members.

Inspector Will Dewey released to news media the text of an e-mail message "Breeze" sent his doctors last night: "I saw a snail crawling on the edge of a straight razor -- that is my dream, my nightmare." The quotation is from the film, "Apocalypse Now."

Dewey asked citizens with ideas on how to interpret the message not to bother contacting police.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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